Benefit of Bipolar: Good Reason to Take a Break

     Today is going to be a shorter post for a couple of reasons, the most important of which beings that my mind and body are telling me that I have a little too much going on and that I have to take a step back, widen my perspective on life right now and graciously allow the anxious/fearful/self-doubting part of my bipolar brain to catch up. 

    I have done quite a bit lately for myself and it is all quite new and exciting and has me distracted from the day to day spiral of wondering what mood I am in, (am I stable, hypomanic or depressed or trending in any of those ways?) which is really cool if I am being honest. I started this blog and website, created a logo mostly for fun, signed up for a couple of speaking events and am actively trying to find more ways to learn and share about my mental illness and advocacy work to eliminate the stigma. 

    The thing is, while I feel great doing it, -even now this is cathartic for me and I am hoping that it can help someone else- it can become exhausting and somewhat overwhelming. I hit a point yesterday where I  could not wrap my head around my racing thoughts. Even nightmares returned on a small level compared to the past, but affected my ability to sleep and rest. Something wasn't right. I am not supposed to feel like this when things are going well. The difference is how I reacted. 

    I did not continue to spiral in ruminating thoughts or let the anger build as my confusion grew. I put in my headphones and moved my legs slowly on the bike. I closed my eyes and thought about the lyrics, how they related to my life. I focused on what I have accomplished, how I have made it through every mountainous obstacle in my path thus far, and refocused my energy on those positive thoughts. Then I gave my girlfriend a big hug, told her I was having a hard time, talked about it and went to work. 

    Most importantly though, I reminded myself why I am doing this, what my reason is, my purpose. It's just to help people if I can, to continue sharing and that there need be no pressure to write, perform, or move too fast for my own bipolar brain's good.  First and foremost, I am doing this for me and to continue my odyssey with bipolar. So, I took a nap today, I worked out and took a long warm shower and decided to write a little. Now, back to my well deserved break and slowing down to move forward...

    Thank you so much for reading. 




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